Can someone listen/read my rantings? because, i don't know who i am now. it's so difficult to find, to know your emotions and who you really are. people don't tell you...who you are to them. how they perceive you. i mean, it's just difficult, okay, this thing called life.
you try to make friends, but then, they turn so themselves, that they only care about themselves. not about the people around them. both parties are in the wrong okay. that whole thing about L. i know what she is like.......bossy, horrid, irritating and whatever. i detest her sometimes too. most of the times (whatever).
but please! what's the use of trying to get rid of her and telling her we don't like her. i mean, bond people bond. we should try to understand what other's think.....L might not like us anyway. like just try to know okay. we don't have to change just to suit other's preferences. but it's good to know what they dislike about you and try to be a better person.
jinyin is right. nobody actually understands one's true personality. the reallll side of someone. what is my real true side anyway? i mean, i try to act as normal as i can with people. but somehow, it just doesn't come out.
the only way the seed can crack is when it is alone with someone they can trust. then it shows and portrays out her true beauty and her ugly side - bitter, sour, hard. ask yourself, have you ever ever done that. showed your true self to anyone. to lift your veil or just break through? the feeling is great, i believe. to really hear the wind gushing through your ears, blowing in your face. and the person you can trust sits beside you with a smile, just listening. just listening.
you'll love this feeling i tell you. because you had already poured out all, all your sorrows to the person but it feels you've done it to the world. somehow, you feel carefree. free without any sorrows for the time being. free because you know there's someone there for you when you need it.
well, have you done it before? because, someone should try. it's not as if i did it before, i could just imagine. well, i thought i did it. once. i'm not sure whether the person remembers. but i was the one listening i feel, and once i done that, i thought she smiled. and later on, i told her some stuff. not everything, but i thought she understood. my feelings and what's really in me. i think she did.
probably she did, but it wasn't significant to her. it's just wonderful and utterly fabulous to have someone so dear to confide to. but there isn't much time....spending recesses just isn't enough. you must be that close even the heart links. i don't think is there yet. and she doesn't really think i'm the one she should confide to, even though....we are so alike in many ways and bond really really really well. i don't know. it should be a mutual support thing, i guess.
she's really the greatest friend anyone can get. as long as you know her well enough. i don't think anybody thinks she is my best(est) friend though. it doesn't really matter anyway...i have many other bestest out there. 5-6. she would probably top the list.
it's for me to know and you all to guess. keep on guessing and probably get the right answer, but i won't tell. anything. maybe she won't even know it's her. but that doesn't matter either.
yes, and people, if you think it's you- just keep thinking it's you. you don't want me to dissapoint you, do you? but if you really think is you, i really appreciate it, because that means you know me more than the others.
and if you are just pretending to think it's you...keep on dreaming. it will probably take a miracle to make it true, why? because i hate pretenders. and you should now (by now, at least).
no use pretending, why? because you'll just cheat yourself, not me. i wouldn't even bother what you think about pretending okay??!
ohh, and she didn't backstab me or anything for me to write this down. i just thought i should share what we should really do to bond with friends. that's all.
good luck to all the best friends out there....she just doesn't know. it isn't the best relationship, but, i got it. she just haven't. i hope soon though.